The Movie:

Occasionally, it takes events such as the farewell concert of Cream to remind one about the tenuous nature of life. I had always thought the event was some mythical happening only a few people had witnessed. But upon further reflection, said event is not that much older than me, and this year marks the 45th anniversary of the band’s farewell concert, and Kino has chosen to give the disc some more attention presumably as part of the celebration.

For those unfamiliar with the band, Cream was formed by drummer Ginger Baker, who decided to recruit former Yardbirds guitarist Eric Clapton, and in a bit of a surprise, brought in bassist and vocalist Jack Bruce to round the trio out. This was a surprise because Baker, who while respecting Bruce’s technical impeccability, had famously been acrimonious to Bruce. When the two were in the band the Graham Bond Organisation, the eventual end of the band was when Baker pulled a knife on Bruce (the incident is recounted by both in the excellent Baker bio-documentary Beware of Mr. Baker). Those feelings were put aside for the beginnings of Cream.

And for a while, things were good. The band’s mix of jazz, blues and rock was key in their sound, and while the band was only in existence two years, they released four albums that are still considered staples in the music collection (in “Fresh Cream,” “Disraeli Gears,” “Wheels of Fire” and “Goodbye”). As the band wore on, the feelings between Baker and Bruce resurfaced, and Clapton served as the go-between for both until he became weary of doing so, and the band decided on a farewell tour in 1968, with the final date at London’s Royal Albert Hall. The set list includes the following songs:

“Sunshine of Your Love”

“White Room”

“Politician”

“Crossroads”

“Steppin’ Out”

“Sitting on Top of The World”

“Spoonful”

“Toad”

“I’m So Glad”

Never having seen the concert before, the thing that surprised me was the narration of it. Done by someone named Patrick Allen, he provides an almost paternal tone to things between the songs, even talking about the scientific studies about the hazards of loud music without the faintest bit of irony. He does not interview the band members but he serves as the introductory piece for learning more about each individual member’s technique and how they performed onstage with the other members.

As far as the performance goes, one can sense the tension between the musicians, with Baker and Bruce sharing perhaps one last passive aggressive swipe at the other on what should be a celebration of sorts for both. And yet, even with the closing song serving as an ‘au revoir’ for all of the members, the end date of the last tour one could sense the palpable relief by all involved.

Someone once said about a professional sports Hall of Fame that ideally, it should be full of people who you would want to see play today, rather than see a bunch of people holding on to some sort of vanity or thrill and potentially inducing pity on their behalf. Cream featured young, technically polished and superbly adept musicians individually who collectively seemed to define capturing lightning in a bottle. While they went on to varying degrees of post-band success, seeing them in this context is a joy to see, both regardless of the circumstance and after all this time.

The Disc:
Video:

1.33:1 video, which is not surprising considering the source of said material. There are some flaws inherent in the material from age, as it’s not the prettiest girl to the dance, but the image is viewable and natural without edge enhancement or haloing. There have been no artificial color improvements made in the image either; it looks natural and the overhead lighting in the show giving off a strange high school cafeteria feel to it. About what I was expecting.

Audio:

You have your choice of the original mono audio track or a remastered 5.1 surround track, neither of which provide much smoke to lift the proverbial dress. The surround track does not involve the subwoofer for low end activity and channel panning and directional effects are nil; the rear channels reinforce the sound occurring in the front of the soundstage. The concert sound was pretty much what I had read from other accounts and it was what it was.

Extras:

Nada.

Final Thoughts:

The Cream Farewell Concert may not be the prettiest girl of the dance, but she remains as important a document on the rock landscape as anything else has in rock’s last half century. Technically, even with a remastered surround track there is not much to be blown away by, and supplemental material is still nonexistent. Still, it deserves to be seen by any self-respecting fan of music.

In 10 Words or Less
Diane Franklin naked. That’s all you need to know.

 

Reviewer’s Bias*
Loves: Silly movies, ’80s Diane Franklin
Likes: gratuitous nudity
Dislikes: Tonal unbalance
Hates: The advance of time

The Film
If you’re someone who grew up in the ‘80s and had a somewhat unusual personality, there’s a good chance you had fallen in love with Monique Junot, the French foreign exchange student that Lane Myer won over in the suicide-comedy Better Off Dead. That’s partially because you fell for Diane Franklin, the girl with the ringlet curls who gave Monique her adorable French accent and who broke your heart (and Gary’s) in The Last American Virgin. There was just something about her that was irresistible, whether she played a princess in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure or even her small part in another Savage Steve Holland film, How I Got Into College. But the one film many of her fans have not seen, largely due to the lack of an American theatrical release, is Second Time Lucky, an odd mix of historical anthology and religious epic directed by Academy Award-nominee Michael Anderson (Around the World in 80 Days, Logan’s Run.)

The story here is a doozy, as God (Oscar nominee Robert Morley) makes a bet with the Devil (Robert Helpmann, Patrick): he will give man a second chance to see what would happen if Adam didn’t eat the apple in the Garden of Eden. The competition takes place over several eras, including Biblical times, the Roman empire, World War I, the late ‘20s in the U.S. and the ‘80s punk-rock scene, reconnecting the same pair, Franklin and Roger Wilson (Porky’s), over and over to see whether love or sin would win. While the Devil and his fey assistant actively work to sabotage man, God has sent the archangel Gabriel (sketch comic Jon Gadsby) to guide man, but not interfere. Thus sets off a series of segments featuring the two characters throughout history, with Franklin portraying the temptress to Wilson’s pure soul.

 

Though the cosmic framework is worthy of some campy laughs (God is basically Superman’s dad, complete with a giant G on his chest, while the Devil’s sidekick is a heavier Paul Lynde) the stories are hit or miss, sometimes going for silly fun, before shifting to over-the-top drama. Though some scenes, like the one in the late ‘20s where Franklin gets to cut loose as a heavily-accented flapper,are just plain fun, most of the others fall into a formula where the sets, costumes and voices are the main differentiator, so it’s mostly just passing time until the next round of the challenge. On the plus side, there’s some quality production value to each of the settings (at least on par with History of the World Part I) and the performances are not half-bad. None of it comes together in the end though, as it’s hard to care about the core concept, which means very little to the film. It’s just five mostly disconnected tales starring the same actors.

The thing is, one of those actors is Franklin, who spends a large portion of the film in some state of undress, including being fully nude for the entire first segment between Adam and Eve. It would be an utter lie to say that this is not the film’s biggest draw, because it certainly is. This takes nothing away from Franklin’s ability, as her body is certainly attractive, but her ability to switch from innocent to seductive with just a slight change in her facial expression is even more impressive. But the filmmakers knew where their bread was buttered, finding any reason to expose her flesh, including one of the more memorable firing squads in film history, even if her best performance sees her mostly keep her clothes on, playing a gangster’s moll to the hilt. If you don’t see the appeal in seeing Franklin in the buff though, this film won’t do a lot for you.

The DVD
(Note: We received a screener copy, so we can’t comment on how the disc is packaged.) A one-disc release, this DVD features a static anamorphic menu with an option to play the film, and check out the extras. There are no audio options, no subtitles and no closed captioning.

The Quality
Delivered with a full-frame transfer, this movie looks its age, with a better-than-VHS level of visual quality, with a decent level of fine detail and some good color, though the image is overall best described as soft, while darker scenes experience a lack of definition. Some jitter is noticeable throughout, along with some consistent minor dirt and damage and noise, but nothing that takes away from the film too much. Digital distractions aren’t a major issue either, though occasional banding can be seen in spots. It’s a case of I’ve seen better, but I’ve also seen worse.

The Dolby Digital 2.0 track suffers mainly from the use of ADR which is hugely obvious when used, while the score overpowers the rest of the aural elements, becoming muddly when pouring on the bass during more bombastic numbers. Dialogue is clear throughout though, and the sound effects are similarly solid. Expect nothing dynamic about the mix and you will have no complaints.

The Extras
Scorpion Releasing continues to show it’s dedicated to providing offbeat releases with bonus content, starting with a new audio commentary by Franklin and producer Tony Ginnane. Franklin obviously hadn’t seen the film in some time, so there was a lot of surprise at what she remembered, though she serves as a fine moderator for the chat, asking Ginnane plenty of questions about the production, since she was a young actress just getting started at the time. There’s a lot of discussion about the film’s nudity, along with talk about edits Ginnane would make if he could have gone back, but one of the more curious comments is about the aspect ratio, as Ginnane references an anamorphic image, when we get a full-frame transfer. Either way, it’s an entertaining track powered by Franklin’s energy and Ginnane’s details.

Both participants recorded separate on-camera interviews as well (10:52 for Ginnane, 12:36 for Franklin), and thankfully there’s not a lot of overlapping with the commentary, as Ginnane explains why there were so many writers on the film, while Franklin playfully discusses the nudity and plugs the hell out of her book (which I will need to buy at some point.) A good rule in life is you can never go wrong with more Diane Franklin.

Wrapping things up is a small manual gallery of set stills, courtesy of Franklin, consisting mostly of great shots of her as her various characters. Honestly, how she wasn’t a bigger star makes no sense.

The Bottom Line
A film of grand ambition, Second Time Lucky feels like it should work, but thanks to an inability to stick to a tone, it just doesn’t get anything going, outside of being a great showcase for Franklin’s fans. The presentation is fine for a film of its age and status, and the bonus features are certainly welcome for those curious enough to pick up a copy. If you fell in love with Franklin in Better Off Dead, you’re probably going to want to see her here, as she rises above the material.

Francis Rizzo III is a native Long Islander, where he works in academia. In his spare time, he enjoys watching hockey, writing and spending time with his wife, daughter and puppy.Check out 1106 – A Moment in Fictional Time or his convention blog called Conning Fellow

*The Reviewer’s Bias section is an attempt to help readers use the review to its best effect. By knowing where the reviewer’s biases lie on the film’s subject matter, one can read the review with the right mindset.

THE MOVIE:
It’s about time to accept the fact that Tyler Perry is here to stay. His movies consistently make money, his TV shows dominate certain Superstations…heck, he even had to bail Oprah’s ass out when her network threatened to go belly up. Many still scramble to call him a flash in the pan or out and out fad, but the truth is he is building a sizable fanbase that will support almost everything and/or anything he does, and with said legions growing year after year, he is poised to dominate the underserved African American demo for a long time to come…and why not. His work is consistently (insert your own word here – ours is “decent” or “watchable”) with more than a couple coming dangerously close to actual mainstream entertainment. Such is the case with his play The HAVES and the HAVE NOTS (his oddball capitalization, not ours). With a strong central message about black father figures and the standard Perry melodrama, this tale of a poor family struggling through these tough economic times couldn’t be more contemporary. It’s also a sentimental and thoroughly entertaining slice of homespun TP hokum.

We meet the hard-up family of matriarch Grandma Hattie Mae (Patrice Lovely) as they prepare for the day. Teenage son Wallie (Jeffrey Lewis) has been out all night – presumably, up to no good – and is just getting in as his Momma, Rose (Kislyck Halsey) is getting up for work. She is a maid in the house of a rich man named Mr. Willis (Maurice Lauchner), working under a smart-alecky yet sympathetic butler named Floyd (Palmer Williams Jr.). Her husband, Frank (Tony Hightower) has been desperate to find work ever since his plan to flip houses was destroyed by the recent economic downturn. As a matter of fact, the bank is trying to foreclose on his current home. He used it to finance his failed endeavors. As luck would have it, Mr. Willis needs a new gardener and handyman and hires Frank to do the job. Of course, his much younger golddigger of a wife (Alexis Jones) sees the physically fit new servant and sizes up her chances of seducing him. When Floyd sees something he probably shouldn’t have, everyone’s faith (literally) is tested.

Since he starts from such a sincere place, since he gives us complex characters with strong Christian convictions that we can understand and get behind, Perry’s The HAVES and the HAVE NOTS is often very powerful and profound. The self-contained cottage industry has frequently been accused of catering to the women in the audience by making all his male characters brawny buff eye candy, weak-willed dopes, or even worse, abusive, strident pigs. Here, all the guys are good ones. Mr. Willis is overweight, worried that no one will love him for himself (not his money) and is desperate to have a sincere soulmate. Similarly, Frank is a defeated yet proud black father who will not tolerate letting his specious son squander his talents (he’s supposedly very, very smart) on a fiscal quick-fix like dealing drugs. Even Floyd, whose more or less included to add a Y chromosome to the abundant broad comedy, is not your typical valet. He’s acerbic, confrontational, and often on point. It’s telling that he mocks Mr. Willis openly to his face and the befuddled boss takes it in stride.

It’s the women that are more worrisome this time around, though we’ve seen their type in other Perry productions. Of the three, Grandma Hattie Mae is the least concerning. Of sure, Ms. Lovely plays her as an over the top mugging mess, complete with references to a prostitution/stripper past and lots of physical shtick, but she’s also a calming and loving presence in her troubled house. Her mid-show shout out to God, ala one of Perry’s original gospel tinged songs, is indeed inspired. Then there is Rose, who talks a good game (she’s saved, believes in herself and her man) and yet immediately starts jumping to the wrong conclusions about her spouse. For a while, we’re afraid she will somehow transform into a sullen, one note shrew, but then Perry switches things up, giving her both rational and irrational motivations and reasons. Of course, every single TP stage show needs a hissable villain and Ms. Jones is it. While she may look fetching, her turn as the money grubbing Willis witch provides ample opportunity to ball up your fist and shake it at the TV screen.

Even Perry proves capable of change. He doesn’t always swing for the rafters this time around. Instead, The HAVES and the HAVE NOTS is grounded in a realism that is frequently difficult to watch. Unless you’re Mr. Willis and his 1% pals, we’ve all wanted to avoid a ringing phone, wonder where Peter is so we can rob him and pay Paul, and fret over financial failures that have little to do with us and more with a post-millennial mindset of corporate greed and “gimme!” This close knit clan is having a very difficult time, and while the play would have you believe that prayer answers everything, we also recognize the pitfalls that come with poverty. Luckily, Perry adds enough humor and halting wisdom to work us through the misery. Palmer Williams Jr. is excellent as the manly Madea substitute, cracking joke after joke at the expense of others and hitting the target almost every time. He’s not as over the top as Lovely’s Grandma Hattie Mae, but he’s equally effective. Maybe even more so. In fact, for those who’ve followed Perry from the start (including yours truly – this is the 18th stage play and/or film of his I’ve reviewed), you can see a growing confidence and maturity. Sure, he’s still playing to his people, but with The HAVES and The HAVE NOTS, said populace is growing beyond the base.

THE DVD:
As with most Lionsgate releases, the tech specs are solid here. Perry puts out an excellent product, even if it is a bit thin on the added content. The cast interviews are nice, and the behind the scenes peek is interesting, but one longs for the day when the writer himself sits down and addresses his process, from conception to commercial release, in a well-spoken commentary. Oh well. As for the image and sound quality, it’s above average. Granted, DVD doesn’t offer up the details that an HD presentation does, but for the most part, the 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen image is bright and colorful. The video direction by Derrick Doose is a bit wonky (wooden and one dimensional) but what more do you expect from a stage play caught on camera. Sonically, the situation is much more profound. All of Perry’s actors have headset microphones and the Dolby Digital 5.1 offering presents both dialogue and singing in amazing clarity. The only thing missing, and it remains a pet peeve of mine, is no audience reactions. Sure, we get laughter, but the minute a musical number ends it’s as if someone purposely jacks down the volume on the crowd. You’d swear they didn’t like the interludes based on the lack of a response.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Having since been spun-off into a far more soapy TV series for Ms. Winfrey’s OWN, fans should seek out this interesting stage prequel to see what The HAVES and The HAVE NOTS was really all about. No brazen bed hopping or Upstairs, Downstairs class struggles. There’s also racial element to the TV show that is completely absent from the play. While you may not find yourself weeping at the end of this simple story, you will have a least a few of your less cynical heartstrings pulled. The HAVES and The HAVE NOTS works because of character, not contrivance. It’s still Tyler Perry, but in quantity, the phenom finds quality here. Recommended.

Want more Gibron Goodness Come to Bill’s TINSEL TORN REBORN Blog (Updated Frequently) and Enjoy! Click Here

THE SHOW:
If crack were ever made legal – and Lord help us if we come to that as a society – any stand-alone store selling it would probably wind up resembling a mercantile version of Cartoon Network’s late night animation/live action smorgasbord, [adult swim]. There’d be different brands and types of coke rock, each with a particular spin and niche marketing concern. Some would have a hard time finding the pharmaceutical that’s right for them. Others could care less about the branding or logo – they just want their drugs. [adult swim] is equally addictive. Inhumanly so. Pick any one of its many hilarious offerings – Family Guy, Squidbillies, whatever Aqua Teen is calling itself today, The Venture Brothers, weird TV spoofs like Children’s Hospital and/or NTSF:SD:SAUV:: and sample same. Instantly you find yourself with a psychological and craving for more, More, MORE!!! This is especially true of the psychedelic splatterfest that is Superjail. Imagine Peter Max as a psychotic mass murderer married to the cruelest version of Willy Wonka, all set within a surreal version of a Gahan Wilson cartoon, and you get the idea. Or maybe you don’t.

Now in its third season, Superjail is set in its ridiculously refreshing ways. Each 12 minute episode (there are 10 total on this latest DVD set from Swim satellite Williams Street) centers around a crazy correctional facility which is located inside a volcano…which itself is located inside another volcano. The Warden (voiced by David Wain) lords over a strange, everchanging space without a clear link to anything realistic. Prisoners are often subjected to Rube Goldberg like tortures and technology, while demons, monsters, oversized insects, killer robots, freakish super-villains, and futuristic weaponry abound. Helping to run the facility is put upon bureaucrat Jared (Teddy Cohn) and a mid-transition, gender confused guard named Alice (Christy Karakas). There are several inmate regulars we meet as well, including homosexual couple Paul Guaye (Christopher McCulloch) and Jean Baptiste Le Ghei (Stephen Warbrick), an inmate named Gary with a malevolent pet bird named…Bird, a severely burned con named Ash (McCulloch again) and Lord Stingray (Eric Bauza), an insane creature who wants to take over Superjail.

Superjail couldn’t be more insular in its self-contained craziness. It plays by its own unique rules which it constantly makes up on the fly only to discard them minutes later for more regulations that will end up meaning very little narratively or rationally. One second, an entire wing of the jail can be wiped out by gargoyles with the heads of Santa Claus. The next, The Warden is walking amongst the very same faces, handing out funny hats and dinosaur donuts. In almost each episode, there is an overriding theme (see below), but these are merely holdovers for the often stunning setpieces featuring death, slaughter, and gallons of red inked arterial spray. For those who want to know what is specifically on this disc, here is the breakdown:

“Stingstress” – Superjail turns co-ed, and it’s up to Alice to seduce the female Warden and return ‘her’ boss to power.
“Superfail” – Jared thinks he can run Superjail better than his accidentally unconscious employer. He’s wrong.
“Uh-Oh, It’s Magic! “ – a magic show for the prisoners turns deadly with The Warden’s ventriloquist dummy takes over.
“Sticky Discharge” – someone is getting paroled, and while Jared is ecstatic, The Warden is devastated.
“Special Needs” – The Warden decides to make Superjail handicapped accessible, and the inmate population handicapped.
“The Trouble With Triples” – a pair of extraterrestrial twins show up and thwart The Warden’s plans for Superjail.
“Nightshift” – Alice is unhappy with her career choice.
“Oedipus Mess” – The Warden experiments with cloning, with typically disastrous results.
“Planet Radio” – two competing mediums, TV and radio, have the prisoners up in arms.
“Burn Stoolie Burn” – Ash teaches The Warden about the power in fire, and our loony leader loves it.

Again, the plots are relatively unimportant here. They are merely set up for more stream of conscious WTF-isms. These amazing sequences, building in a baffling logic all their own, will see optical shifts worthy of a visit to Pepperland or the worrying doodles in a pre-teens notebook. Creators Christy Karacas, Stephen Warbrick , and Ben Gruber make sure that each installment of Season 3 contains at least one of these remarkable maelstroms and they are often the highlight of each show. Similarly, this is not funny so much as it is absurd. As The Warden wanders around randomly pulling the arms and legs off convicts to create a clientele for his new handicapped accessible facility, one has to giggle at how over the top and gory it all is. This is a bloody, bloody series, satisfying those like yours truly who like their entertainment served with a healthy portion of drained vein juice, but there is more to the grue than shock. Indeed, Superjail seems to suggest that all incarceration is inherently violate. It destroys freedom. It sets up horrifying jailhouse assaults, and it doesn’t prepare its participants for the outside world. That is why no one ever leaves Superjail. They have no chance to.

The use of running gags and recurring characters also helps. A little Lord Stingray goes a long way, but the main supporting player, the monosyllabic grunt capabilities of Jackknife offers up plenty of Gary Panter inspired mayhem. Similarly, you can see a lot of very early Mike Judge in this series, the kind of subversive thwarting of convention that he showed with his first few episodes of Beavis and Butthead (before the networks, and the word “Fire,” got him in deep doo-doo). This is an angry, aggressive show, a hit of brown acid spiked with acetylene. It starts off at “11” and never lets down, its frantic pace matched by an amazing cartooning style that offers up its own harrowing homages to Ralph Bakshi, John Krikfalusi, Tex Avery, and EC Comic’s Jack Davis. But this is not some crass copycat. Superjail soars on its own warped wonderment, an instantly habit-forming creative aesthetic that has you palpating as each episode nears its end. With a fourth season on its way, those of us anxious to revisit the harrowing, hilarious hoosegow can’t wait. But be careful: this is one [adult swim] offering that should come with its own wise warning label. It’s just that addictive.

THE DVD:
The only downside to this release The relatively lax tech specs. The show looks good, the 1.78:1 anamorphic image as clear and bright as an HD rendering of same. Similarly, the sound situation is equally impressive, the Dolby Digital 5.1 mix providing a nice balance between dialogue and prison-influenced sound effects. So what’s the catch Well, the added content is a bit weak. We get a look at some early animatics for a few episodes, then a further example of some test footage, and finally, the introductions to each installment are viewable back to back (for careful consideration and the deconstruction of the various tableaus present in each). But the biggest sin is the word “CENSORED” scrawled across black bars during several scenes. While blocking out some obvious sexual and suggestive content, we want something beyond the TV experience. If we buy something, let’s see it the way it was intended (unless Karacas and crew planned it that way).

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Superjail is one of the best things on [adult swim] right now. It’s more subversive than Family Guy without being so crass and its tops another fave, the Aqua Teens, when it comes to head scratching story arcs and structure. It’s more like a late ’60s rock album cover come to life with a bit of snuff film subtext thrown in to make the music that much more dangerous. It’s easily one of the weirdest things on the channel, and this is a showcase that features a redneck squid driving a four by four. Highly Recommended, it’s guaranteed that you’ve never seen anything like this before. Superjail may make little sense, but it does a brilliant job in its creative confusion.

Want more Gibron Goodness Come to Bill’s TINSEL TORN REBORN Blog (Updated Frequently) and Enjoy! Click Here

THE FILM:
You can’t create a phenomenon. It has to happen organically. You can’t force people to flock to your film, buy millions of copies of your album, or tune in to the latest installment of your celebrated TV series. Sure, it today’s tech savvy social media world, a fad is much easier to manufacture (it’s now called “going viral”) but the effects are almost always short-lived and anticlimactic. So when a couple of kid show producers wanted to craft something new, something Barney, something Teletubbies, something The Wiggles, they decided to go big, or go home. No PBS or small market broadcast basis from which to build. No cute or cuddly toy line from which they could pull from and profit. No collection of direct to DVD titles that have parents yanking out their hair while their ADD-addled ankle biters play them over and over and over again. No, in this case, producer Kenn Viselman and director Matthew Diamond came up with the Oogieloves, a cinematic disaster guaranteed to give nightmares to those guardians who find the Backyardigans and Yo Gabba Gabba filling up their sleepless dawns.

Yes, they made a movie, and boy oh boy what a movie it is. The Oogieloves are three human sized puppets so brightly colored and simplistic in shape that zygotes would find them crude. Goobie is the brainy one. Toofie is the “totally rad” athletic one. Zoozie is the token girl. They live in Lovelyloveville in a gadget-filled playhouse ala a brain damaged Pee-wee and are friends with a talking goldfish named Ruffie, an all seeing window named Windy, and a Hoover vacuum cleaner named…wait for it…J. Edgar. While planning a birthday party for a pillow, the aforementioned appliance looses five magical balloons. Using Windy’s ability to find things, the Oogieloves head out to locate the missing favors.

In each case, they run into a proposed comical character. There’s Dottie Rounder (Cloris Leachman) who is obsessed with circles, Marvin Milkshake (Chazz Palminteri…yes, you read that right) as a diner owner who can make a refreshing ice cream beverage out of anything, Bobby Wobbly (Carey Elwes, about as tortured as he was in Saw) who loves to shake and shimmy, the diva like Rosalie Rosebud (Toni Braxton) who sings a song about having a cold, and Mr. and Mrs. Sombero – Lero (Christopher Lloyd) and Lola (Jamie Pressly) – who enjoy a bit of flamenco dancing. With their help, the Oogieloves gather their balloons, which turn out to be magical, and return to their home. There, they have a big to-do for a throw cushion.

It’s easy to see that if you were three, incapable of wholly rational thought, still developing the cognitive skills to help you “know better,” and had 80 minutes of free time between naps and your next BM, you’d be up swinging from the chandeliers to the Oogieloves noxious “interactive” idiocy. Yes, when this played in theaters (for about a minute back in the Spring of 2013), it offered ways for the already unsettled spawn in the audience to get up, get buz-eee, and bust a move. Preserved here to make Moms and Dads and StepMoms and StepDads and unfortunate baby sitters and angry adolescent siblings’ lives a living Hell, a group of CG butterflies appear on the screen commanding kids to get up and dance/sing/embarrass themselves along. When they want said sugared and hyper bratlings to simmer down and follow the story, a group animated turtles arrive to put the preschoolers back in their place. That’s about the extent of the creativity involved here. Whenever the movie needs a placeholder for the plot, call out the cartoons and get the already distracted kids up and moving.

As for the rest of the film, well, it’s hard not to hate everything about it. For instance, the joke about J. Edgar, the Hoover, requires some actual thought, which is clearly above the average member of the demo’s mental pay grade. Similarly, the arrival of Leachman, Palminteri, and Lloyd scream for a cult conceit that the movie will never achieve. Some have argued that this could be the next Rocky Horror or Eraserhead, but only if you stripped both of those manic midnight movies of anything remotely entertaining or enticing…and another thing. Was Mr. Elwes Southern drawl so offensive or bad that he had to be dubbed, or was his work so poorly captured, technically, that all of his dialogue had to be done in post It’s outrageous in its obviousness. Granted, one could imagine some kids enjoying this sprawling, spastic mess. After all, serial killers gotta get their start somewhere.

THE DVD:
While we are being a bit harsh, The Oogiloves in the Big Balloon Adventure really is nothing more than product, and the digital presentation of same shows. The extras include an interactive brain game (so easy even a dope smoking frat boy could figure it out) and an introduction to the characters, which is unnecessary since the first five minutes of the movie covers this is a solid, sledgehammer to the cranium fashion. As for the more technical elements of the release, the 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen image is sharp, colorful, and like crack for the synapses. You can audibly hear your brain cells screaming ala George C. Scott in Hardcore, “TURN IT OFF, TURN IT OFF.” It’s all cone and rod overload. The sound will drive you equally insane. The Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround mix is not what you would call immersive, but it does deliver some decent multichannel elements. But the Oogiloves dialogue and voice work is like tinfoil on your teeth while scraping your nails on a chalkboard. OUCH!

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Back in the days of exploitation, nudie cutie and gorehound filmmakers like Herschell Gordon Lewis and Barry Mahon created some of the most crazy crackpipe kiddie productions EVER. With names like The Magic Land of Mother Goose, Jimmy the Boy Wonder, The Wonderful Land of Oz, and Jack and the Beanstalk, they represented the baser, bottom feeder level of meaningless Saturday matinee fodder, until now. Each of the aforementioned is “Mrs. Falbo’s Tiny Town” compared to The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure. If you hate your offspring, buy them this junk. If you actually want your children to grow up well adjusted, socially interactive, and contributing to the civilization, avoid this electronic babysitter at all costs. If you don’t care, then Rent It, and when the world comes to a crashing end a generation from now, we’ll know who, and what to blame.

Want more Gibron Goodness Come to Bill’s TINSEL TORN REBORN Blog (Updated Frequently) and Enjoy! Click Here